Anxiety or Guilt of Unfulfilled Dreams?

“So you find yourself at this subway
When your world in a bag by your side
And all at once it seemed like a good way
You realized it’s the end of your life
For what it’s worth.”

Every passing day brings a new surprise hidden in its garb. Now, when we hear the word surprise, it brings a jolt of happiness, a hope that something good will happen! But isn’t the meaning of surprise “an unexpected, astonishing event.” Then how can we exactly associate it with happiness. That’s the first issue with human understanding. Everything is taken in a hunky dory manner, until it starts feeding on you, ALIVE.
Not every day is same, honestly. There are days when you feel happy from within. That day you soak in the first song of the bird in your mind, the skyline in your heart, you are not afraid of meeting new people and taking new roles, you literally jump on every beat of your favourite music. This day you love curling up in your bed, read a novel, speak to your best friend for hours and indulge in activities that define YOU.

But then there are days when a haunting tune wakes you up in the morning, and dominates you for the rest of the day. Wavering confidence, inability to perform and nausea become regular. By the end of the day, you start looking at the darkest corners of the house, unblinking, and cry with force for no reason whatsoever. You sit down with a cup of coffee and stare in the space for no apparent reason. You seem calm on the outside, but in your brain there are screams and screeches, destruction, mayhem. You break every single object in your sight and shout at the top of your voice. This goes on until someone shakes you to come back to senses. However, that burning stage and silhouettes of black defining destruction refuse to leave your mind.

I have been battling through this issue for a long time now, and in my hearts of heart, I am 100% sure that others too are victim to this. It maybe anxiety – inability to perform better professionally, inability to connect with your spouse, inability to express, inability to make friends and what not! But I believe that in the cocoon of “inability” those dreams are dying slow death – dreams that wanted to perform better, but an unsupportive ruthless boss destroyed the career, dreams where he wanted to settle with the love of his life but society came in between, dreams where he wanted to be loved by his friends but all he stood at the receiving end of insults, dreams where he dreamt of supporting his family but was shredded into pieces by the reality of life.

And this is when “you realized it’s the end of your life.” But is it worth giving up your life? How do we save ourselves from drowning?


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